Monkfish

Shut it, I’m in charge here. Gloria, take your boyfriend upstairs and find me a murder weapon. In two minutes this floor’s going to be awash with blood, now shift.

Before the Fast Show even started, I remember seeing Simon Day on the Channel 4 Glastonbury coverage and genuinely believed his name was Tommy Cockles for ages afterwards. I don’t know if this was because he was very convincing or because I was young and stupid. Probably a bit of both with a leaning towards the latter.

Competitive dad is probably my favourite, but it’s a difficult thing to try and invent graphics for. I don’t think social services usually have a logo, do they?!

Split into two, this one. I actually don’t know why. I think subconsciously the police one is for Monkfish the character and the other number plate version is for John Actor, who plays Monkfish. The type of tough, uncompromising actor who would spunk top dollar on a vanity plate.

I mean, neither are real, so who cares?