Bi-Fult

I pay Branita £700 a week plus 300 for emergencies so I can wash John’s stinking yellow semen off her sheets.

There’s bleak and then there’s this. Lizzie and Sarah are played by Julia Davis and Jessica Hynes respectively, so the bar is set pretty high. If you’ve ever seen an episode of Nighty Night (and you obviously should have), you’ll note that a lot of the male characters aren’t portrayed in a particularly positive light. Well, strap in for this.

The titular characters’ husbands are – for want of a better phrase – utter fucking arseholes. They both barely acknowledge the existence of their wives and openly ogle other women in front of them. In fact, one of them is sleeping with the (equally odious, disrespectful and lazy) au pair and not hiding it and the other has several secret families and will only have sex with his wife if he places a pillow over her face (almost to the point of suffocation).

Alas, the show wasn’t made into a series. I think the reason for that is that it kind of concludes within the half hour run time. Without trying to spoil anything, it gets a bit Thelma & Louise. Maybe this is the crushing, moribund, provincial British accompaniment to the Ridley Scott film.

Oh, Bi-fult (pronounced ‘biffult’). Lizzie’s husband John appears in a television advert for the product. I had no idea what bolus was, let alone how it would transition anywhere. Apparently it’s the name for what you produce when you chew. So a mixture of food and saliva. The ‘transit‘ being swallowing. So some form of digestion aid type of thing. Delightful.

Whether you want to go round with the equivalent of Pepto-Bismol on your chest I leave in your hands. At least it’ll be niche.