Mega Tarts

from

Stratagem

by

Alan Partridge

£28.00£30.00

A vulgar, tawdry place. I stayed for one drink, had a very quick wee and then left. Brrrr.

As far as Alan Partridge canon goes, Stratagem isn’t actually held in that high regard. Though given that you’ve got KMKYWAP, IAP, MMM and TT to contend with, you’d have to concede that the bar is quite high. So is it really that bad? I remind you that you are existing in a world where people pay money to see Michael McIntyre. Scum. Sub-human scum.

In the show, there’s a bit where Alan explains what Stratagem means in this TED talk-esque environment, using anagrams of the word itself – GET SMARTA and STAG TAMER are mentioned before he settles on MEGA TARTS (actually ‘stratagem’ backwards, fact fans). As you can tell from the design, it’s a place for middle aged clubbers in Buckinghamshire. Though not the nice bit. I should know, as I’ve lived there.

Another place I’ve lived is Watford (in Hertfordshire; not the nice bit). Why do I mention this? Well, my initial thoughts went to a club I remembered existing on the high street*. I don’t even remember the name of the establishment, but I was (and kind of still am) in awe of the fact for a capital A they had used silhouette of a woman with her knickers round her ankles in their logo. That screamed ‘MEGA TARTS’ to me. And due to Alan’s obsession with Bond, the female silhouette seemed to fit.

However, I just couldn’t do it. Even I have my standards. So my version is a vacated high heel shoe with heavy strapping. It suggests the seed without the offence.

You might be surprised to learn that the inspiration for the font was actually a Scottish frozen food brand. It’s the first thing that crept into my head when I thought of something that would convey ‘bubbly and fun!’ and yet also ‘cheap and shit’.

Which is honestly every nightclub really, isn’t it? Look at them queuing to get in. Mental.

*I have searched high and low for this place but to no avail.

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