Keith’s World of Carpets

Come with me, Mrs. Plimsoll Parker Bowles and I’ll show you what paradise looks like.

As you might’ve read elsewhere – I am old as fuck, and as such am as scared of new things as I am annoyed. However, due to the unabashed brilliance of Smoggie Queens, I watched the first episode and immediately had to watch them all. It’s testament to the writing and acting that within the first couple of scenes, you immediately get what each character is about.

So such is the way these days, while I was bingeing it my brain was whirring, desperate to glean something from the show I could use here. The issue with a lot of it was that they used real places. Lucinda works in a salon called All Dolled Up – REAL. They throw a boat party on the Teeside Princess – REAL. They even venture off to Whitby at one point and mention The Dracula Experience – YOU GUESSED IT.

But then, a new hero emerges. Keith. A man who frequently forgets how cheap his carpets are, only to audibly cry out in shock when he suddenly remembers. Stewart (the ‘baby gay’ of the group) works in the World of Carpets and it’s never visually represented on screen. What a result.

The design is based on (what I consider to be) the most well known carpet retailer in Britain. The colours and the fonts and what have you. For some reason, they automatically make me think of the 80s. Maybe because both of those things are cheap and shit.

Either way, highly recommended if you haven’t seen it. If only to witness Mark Benton and Michelle Visage in roles that are the complete opposite of themselves IRL.