Ass Pounder 4000

Imagine you’re riding up a steep hill, and you’ve already been working super hard, and you’re sweating and you’re tired. What do you do when you’re tired? You want to rest. You go to sit down, it pushes you right back up in your workout.

I’m British, so ‘ass’ isn’t a word I would entertain saying at any point in my life. Even if I were talking about a donkey. I – and most of my compatriots – am an arse man (slash woman slash miscellaneous). Arse. Arsehole. Any variant, really. In fact, Ireland, Australia…all English speaking countries that aren’t America or Canada. Glad we got that out of the way.

So, the Ass Pounder 4000. Where to start with that… it’s ostensibly an exercise bike. However, its USP is that it has a fist-headed dildo attached to its seat. Thus fleshing out the above quote somewhat. It’s not commercially available, more a homebrew bike. I’m sure it was one of the key reference points to Rob McElhenney becoming a Wrexham FC board member. ‘Member’ probably not the best choice of words but there you go.

The logo will be familiar if you’ve ever been to a gym. Actually, that’s rubbish. I’ve never been to a gym and I’ve heard of these. if you’re still struggling, they killed off the lad in the reboot of Sex and the City. So that, but with a fist in it.

Yes, sometimes it can be very literal, thanks for noticing.