I'm Alan Partridge

The Talented Mr Alan


Didn’t you used to be on the television? Yeah, I got out of that. Unpleasant people. Bitter Bastards.

In 2002, the prospect of any channel, cable or otherwise, having this type of thing in their programming seemed absurd. But now? Actually, still probably a bit weird. But more thanks to the YouTubes than its obvious preposterousness. Who watches television nowadays? Practically nobody. In real time, at least.

Partridge is just an unending well of material. ‘Swallow’, ‘Inner City Sumo’, ‘Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank‘…’Monkey Tennis’. All fictional TV shows, inside a fictional world, spewed out within about three minutes of one episode. It’s testament to how wrong my brain is that I dismiss these as ludicrous, unmade nonsense yet ‘Skirmish’ is definitely a real show.

For the design, I was keen on the idea of the chevrons. Which, even with my limited knowledge of the army, is kind of a big deal. Apparently three means seargant. So a mid-range thing. Maybe? I think it might change in the navy. To be honest, I don’t really know. I’m more of a lover than a fighter. Am I? Not really. I’m more of an all-round sneerer than anything.

Anyway, I’m still waiting for the barn dance at Yeovil Aerodrome hosted by Jet from ‘Gladiators’. Let it go, James, you’re never going to meet her.

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