I'm Alan Partridge

Alan Attraction


You might find some superficial damage to the box, but the chocolate is perfectly edible. I give them to all ladies I know aged fifty and under. Over fifty just seems sarcastic.

Firstly, I genuinely thought Rawlinsons were real. However, internets have shown me that they’re not. They’re a quantity surveyor. Or some other stuff. In my head, they were a bit like a local supermarket. Not the big hitters like Tescos, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, (the) Asda and what have you. But a medium-sized affair spread out over a couple of counties. You know the type of thing.

Now, I usually try and avoid mentioning any existing brands by name if I can, so let’s just say this one is based on a low-key(ish) supermarket that might feature Vanessa Hudgens attempting to purchase a budgie. You get me?

With their logo, they’re big on green but we’re going orange with this due to the Chocolate Orange thing. Which might conflict with Sainsbury’s but ah well.

They also don’t use an apostrophe. Hence why this doesn’t. The whole Waterstones / Waterstone’s thing. Apparently they dropped their apostrophe to make their brand more ‘versatile’ for online use. Sure, lads. Whatever you say.

Size Guide

The Most Recent Developments

Are Not Necessarily an Indication of Superior Quality...