Dante Fires

Don’t shine that torch in my face, mate. I’ve just lost a pint of blood.

For me personally, Alan compering the Dante’s of Reading fireplace conference is up there with his finest work. From the piercing of the foot on the spike right up until the final glitter explosion, it’s gold. Vomiting into the lectern all the way. You can’t beat it. Have you all got your fun packs?

I can tell you that researching fires and fireplaces leads you down many roads, most of which end in the staggeringly literal. Yes, lots of them use actual fire, and I’m sure Dante Fires would not be bucking that trend, in August or otherwise. So flames it is for this one.

Howeverrrr, I wanted to impart a more well-known angle on this one, as there’s no massive names in the fireplace industry. Nothing that would really jump out as obvious. So further afield I went and I ended up deep in fossil fuels. Given that Dante’s of Reading operate in the gas sector, I opted to base this one on the most well known of that. What’s equally funny and depressing to me is just how many fossil-based brands go for natural and earthy colours, bearing mind their product is something that you’re meant to set on fire. I mean, this one’s logo is an ACTUAL GREEN FLOWER. How do you spin that?? You sell petrol. You’re not the National fucking Trust.

Anyway, according to what I’ve read, the business is named after Dante’s Inferno, which crops up a couple of times in Coogan material (don’t drop it on my foot). Comedy afficionados will notice that Piet Morant from Dante Fires is played by the same bloke (Steve Brody) who was David Brent’s agent in The Office Christmas specials and Armando Iannucci’s barber in his solo shows.

Small world, hey. Not really. It’s massive. Cheers.

NB There is also a cheeky ‘What *is* the Burning Issue’ quote on the back of this one that I forgot to mention.