Jalapeño Milk


Impractical Jokers

Ruffled Feathers


We feed jalapeños to the cows. Does that not bother the cows? Well, we get cows from Mexico, so they’re used to it.

Such is my desire for spice in food, the notion of a jalapeño milk isn’t actually that absurd to me. But then you couldn’t really have it in tea, can you? Jalapeño and cheese, though. That’s the one. The perfect blend of mild savouriness and spice. I can’t eat them anymore but I remember those Burger King cheese bite things. Phenomenal. But lethal in an obesity and / or cholesterol sense, I’d have thought.

Anyway, this. The inventions bits of Impractical Jokers are very much a staple and are frequently revisited. The idea being that they each take turns in pitching ludicrous inventions (provided by the three others) to focus groups and the winner is the one that receives most votes. In this instance, this fine drinkable product lost out to the frankly unusable Crotch Watch. Unbelievable.

There is a design in the bit, but it’s pretty lame. It looks like someone’s just got a normal bottle of milk and put the title and a picture of a few jalapeños on it. And we can’t have that. So this would be my version of it. Maybe this is what it’d be if it advanced from prototype stage to market. Let’s go with that.

If you’re not familiar with the show, Tony Gunk is the alter-ego of Brian Quinn, the joker who’s tasked with pitching. It also uses the ‘got milk?‘ campaign font. We don’t really have that over here. Surprisingly rickets free, old Blighty.

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