Elmo’s Wine Bar

What do you think of the place? How does it grab you? By the throat, Elmo.

‘What if Del Boy was a painter and decorator?’ I hear you probably not ask ever in a million years. Well, Jacko from Brush Strokes is your answer. A cheeky-chappie ladies’ man, Jacko Duluxes his way through life with his myopic, baboon-faced brother in law Eric, trying to get his end away and generally just being a misogynistic 80s prick. If he were a young man today he would own a micro brewery, a moustache and present a podcast where he rambles on for hours about nothing but reckons he’s drawing attention to men’s mental health. Please remember to like, share and subscribe.

Anyway, there was six whole series of this rubbish, so they must’ve been doing something right. In the show, there’s a character called Elmo and he’s thick as fuck. He owns a pub that Jacko gets shitfaced in during his lunchtimes but decides to emigrate to Australia, gets rich there somehow and then heads back to Blighty, whereupon he opens up the establishment referenced here. The decor is luminous pink – fittingly garish for the absolutely monstrous historical event that was the late 1980s. Elmo as a character is equally odious as the rest of them and when you revise it as a whole, the show is a mess of base level, sexist shite. The only redeeming trait Elmo possesses is his frequent use of the word ‘chisel’ as a swear word. Which I actually really like, tbf.

The logo itself is *sort of* a replication – as you would probably guess, any media available online regarding a shitty sitcom from 1986 is of equivalent shitness, so I’ve reworked it from whatever garbled pixels I could find and made it a bit less all over the place. I assume a runner on the show was just told to squiggle a bit of chalk across a blackboard or something.

It’s worth noting that there would’ve been an option to have done Jacko’s splinter organisation, the onomatopoeiacally-named disasterpiece ‘Splosh‘. But I’m assuming that one foray into the Brush Strokes world is sufficient. And that’s even without it being constantly referenced by Philomena Cunk.